Just a random morning in our home. Plans to hit the gym early, ended up being pushed back to mid-morning. A missing IPod once there, meant that my intention to lose myself in music to distract from exercise would turn into magazine browsing instead. With 2 already in my hand as I gaze back at the newstand in front of me, another catches my eye and I take all 3 to the 'torture machine' as I've so affectionately dubbed the crosstrainer I've chosen. Ready, set, sweat.

I'm leafing through pages of girl-heaven (well, mine anyway)...endless turns of makeup, clothes, the newest and freshest looks for this season. I've always been more of a magazine comber rather than reader. I mean, how many actual articles on clothes and skincare can one person read? Except this one isn't about clothes, skincare or clearance aisle dramas. It was about a girl, who found herself, by helping others.

I'm not a blog-savvy lady, so for the sake of keeping things tidy, I won't mention names or specifics here. But it was a very well-known woman who found a huge gap between the life she was living and the life she actually wanted to live...the life she aspired to get to. And funny enough, that 'life' had nothing to do with her job, her finances, her home(s) or who she married. She called it an act of worship. I call it a wake-up call.

At at time in her life where it made ZERO sense for her to invest more time, energy, efforts and resources in pouring herself into fighting injustice...she found peace. In what, from the outside, looked like a perfect storm, she was actually safely tucked away in sanctuary. A Believer in Jesus and a life lived for His purposes and glory, she didn't try to apologize or bring a culturally-centric spirituality into play. She simply agreed with the Scripture that says, 'if you wish to save your life, you must lose it.'

For years now I've been battling with the image of being a person so centered on my own happiness and fulfillment that I'm missing the 'point' to why in the world we're here in the first place. If I'm just a girl, rotating on my own axis, making choices every day for my own appetite, aligning myself with those who feed my raging ego, distracting myself from the broken and bruised parts of me crying out for healing, accumulating more and more things to continue my journey of self-righteous gluttony....well...it's been eating at me to say the least.

And as a wife of a pastor at a local church, mom of 2, nanny of 1, it's easy to stay 'distracted' and yet completely and totally ineffective. THAT keeps me nauseas.

This is not me being dissatisfied with my life. Quite the contrary actually...only in the light of Who we exist for, can true gratitude and overflowing joy be complete!

I don't know what the next step of faith will be. I have no idea to what 'cause' or plight He'll propel me towards. Maybe it's right in front of my eyes. But what I do know is that...if I want to save my life...I'll have to lose it.

Matt 10:39

³⁹ If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

Phil 2:17

But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.