Something New

Happy November!

Typically, on this site you will find my ramblings about what God is teaching, showing and challenging me with as I journey with Him.  Today, instead of my normal spiritual rant, I'm sharing a new recipe that I had so much fun making yesterday and thought you might enjoy it too :)

In all fairness and honesty, this recipe actually has TONS to do with what God is doing in my life..it is clean, fresh and healthy...and I'm sure I'll share more about that work in my soul later, but for now...here's the goods on the grub!

Veggie marinara

4 lg tomatoes

6 campari or plum tomatoes

1 lg zucchini

2 lg carrots (bugs bunny style)

1 c vegetable stock

6 garlic cloves

1 sm white/yellow onion

basil as desired

olive oil

  Quarter the tomatoes and place in a roasting pan w/ 1/2 the garlic cloves (whole). Drizzle with olive oil, salt/pepper and roast on 425 for 20-30min--stirring halfway thru.  Saute the rest of the garlic (minced) and onion (diced) in olive oil until transparent.  Lower heat to med--Grate in (fine) the zucchini and carrots.  Add veg stock and roasted tomatoes (w/ all juices!) to the veggies (feel free to take the skin off the tomatoes here...I didn't and ended up straining them out later...pain!)  Add chopped basil leaves here...I used fresh, but I'm sure dried would be great too..just don't use as much!  Up the heat to med-high again and let boil for 1min.  Lower heat to low and let simmer for as long as desired...the longer the better!  

Thinking that once everything is cooked, it'd be a great one to stick in the crockpot for the day to simmer/combine :)

Eggplant & Zucchini Lasagna

1 lg eggplant

2 good size zucchini

2 c. spinach (fresh)

olive oil

salt pepper

2c. mozz cheese

parmesan cheese to top

2 c. veggie marinara sauce (give or take depending on how saucy you like it!)

Slice the eggplant and zucchini vertically in 1/2in strips.  Place in roasting pan (or you could stick on the grill for a few min each side!) drizzle with olive oil, salt/pepper and broil for 5min each side.  

While roasting, place 1c mozz and spinach in food proccessor and pulse til spinach is finely chopped and combined w/ cheese--set aside.

In a 12x9 dish, spoon a thin layer of marinara sauce.  Place a layer of roasted eggplant slices on top of sauce across the dish.  Spoon 1/2 the spinach-mozz mixture over the eggplant, then layer zucchini slices on top, adding more marinara sauce overtop.  Spread remaining spinach-mozz then layer last layer of eggplant slices.  Top with remaining cup of mozz cheese and top w/ parmesan.  

Bake at 425 for 30min (I up'd the heat to 500 for another 5min to brown the cheese the way we like it at the end :)

Let cool for 5min, then gobble! :) YUM!

New (part2)

Lately my prayer life has looked a lot like this:
"God, please make me a better mom.  Help me to be more patient, compassionate and nurturing to K&B.  Please help me to yell less and listen more.  Please protect their tender hearts from my insufficiency as their mom...or at least let them have a really great therapist when they get older ;)"

What?  You don't think God likes to laugh too?? ;)

But truly, no matter the day or hour, that is about the tone of most of my prayers these days.  Any of that sound familiar?  Or am I the only crappy parent out there?

Most of my frustration in this cycle is that I haven't seen much response from God on this.  I mean, I guess I have better days than others, but for the most part, I'm not really seeing much-if any improvement in these 'areas of concern' that I've been praying about.  So, after throwing a lovely temper-tantrum (which I won't dialogue for you) in His direction recently I think He might have tapped on my shoulder a bit.  No dramatic changes in my temperament, etc...but sort of a re-examination of the prayer I've been pleading for.

What if His answer is NO?  And..this is a bigger one...what if that's BEST?

BAM.  Not to mention Ouch!

Here's what I think God is trying to chisel away at my extremely tough head (and heart...ok fine, and ego too!)  Do my kids need to see perfection in me?  Do they need (truly) that I respond perfectly, react perfectly and BE perfect in everything?  OR...do they need to see a mom that is in fact NOT perfect?  So not perfect that I mess up, screw up and all around make a royal mess of things and sin DAILY!     Culture or ego might say 'heck-to-the-no' but what does Scripture say?

The Gospel is this:  We are sinners.  God is Perfect, Holy.  And His holiness cannot be compromised by sin (not just in deed but in nature-see the Fall of man-Genesis3) or He would no longer be God.  And only a perfect, holy God can 'fix' a broken relationship due to sin.  So He does.  He sends us Jesus-His Son-fully God and fully man to pay the price that our sin demands in order to repair our broken relationship.  Jesus, the perfect One in all deed and nature-flawless in every way, gives His very life for our ransom.  He not only bridges the gap sin gorged between us and God, but He defeats the very death that sin requires.  And His sacrifice, is our gift.  Our connection back to God, back to relationship we were created for!  It's only HIS perfection, His strength, His grace (His work, our gift) that brings us back into God's family, as sons and daughters, forever.

THIS is what I want my kids to see, know, soak up and look to as they grow and learn.  I want them to know that it won't ever be anything that they can 'do' that will ever be good enough to earn them a seat in God's lap of favor, love or rescue.  That it will ONLY be in accepting the gift of grace, offered only through the sacrifice of Jesus and His victory over all sin and death that will grant them access into His family.  I don't want them to spend their lives striving, pining and exhausting themselves trying to do enough, be enough or earn enough favor on their own.  I want them to rest and submerge themselves in Jesus' perfection FOR them.  And I want them to cling to His grace in everything they do, they see and they grown in.  I want them to know that there is NO life outside of Him and that He is truly the 'way the Truth and the life!'  That they don't have to live under standards and expectations set by others or by themselves even.  I want them to fully believe and know that in Him and His grace is freedom.  Freedom to truly live, truly love, truly follow the One whom they were made for!

So what if my original prayer actually conflicts with this idea Scripture shows us as the Gospel of Jesus?  What if, instead of praying to be a 'better me' I start claiming Christ's perfection and grace on my behalf as well?  That instead of praying that I be the perfect mom, wife, friend...that I pray that they see Christ in me.  That they would see that He's taking my brokenness and instead giving me His holiness.  Not because I deserve it or earned it, but because it is the very essence of Who He is, that He came that we could be called 'beloved children.'  What if they actually heard me confess my sin and brokenness (yes, out loud) and ask for forgiveness.  What if they heard when I struggled to want what God wants and ask Him to bring my heart and His into alignment through repentance?  What if they watched the power of the Holy Spirit working and reconciling my brokenness through a more genuine, real relationship...one that's not just horizontal, but also vertical?

He's making all things new.  Taking my dingy, arrogant prayers and replacing them with His bright-shiny grace.  Truly amazing.  Ours for the taking.

New (part1)

Who doesn't like new stuff??  Whether it's a new piece of clothing or a new gadget (or fly rod, reel, kayak or well..the list is endless for my husband) it's so fun to have something 'new.'  Ironically, once you acquire that 'whatever it is' it automatically starts becoming, un-new.  Might not be old yet, but it's headed in that direction and quite irreconcilably NOT in the other.  I like bright, shiny things.  Not a diamond girl (I know...just one of the MILLION reasons my husband is sooooo lucky!) but I love a bright, shiny object.  Big, small, tangible or even a new shiny experience...I love it.  The all encompassing feeling of newness is intoxicating.  So much so, that as a culture we've completely taken consumerism to it's 'finest' places and demanded so much 'newness' for ourselves that we're likely stealing borrowed time.  But that's another post.

What if there was a gift that we could obtain where that intoxicating 'newness' never had to fade?  What if there was a 'thing' that we could have forever in our clutches but it never stopped feeling, smelling or existing as new?  It never gets old.  Not in wear, tear, no matter how much you use it, abuse it, neglect it or sleep with it...it stays perfectly 'new.'  In fact, what if this gift starts making the other 'things' in your life feel, seem, smell newer too?  What if just by it's existence in your ownership, all other things you have and acquire past and future, look brighter-shinier too?

I think there's a reason we as human-beings like new things.  I think we were made for renewal.  Made for the intoxicating refreshment that newness brings.  Whether it's a new season or a new sweater, newness is knit into our very being.  It is mine.  And when my heart feels tattered-old-abused and just broken...I long for newness, renewal.

Jesus is that gift, that 'too-good-to-be-true' treasure.  The newness we long for is actually a longing for God.  We were made for Him.  Made to exist in the presence of His Glory and in relationship with Him as Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  And since the beginning of creation, when all existed in perfect harmony-we were created by Him, for Him.  We've come a very long way from that sweet time in the garden together before the Fall.  So far, in fact, that we often can't see that this need, this longing within us isn't actually for a new sweater, new job or new countertops (dirty confession.)  Even more disturbing is that most days we don't see a 'need' at all.  I do a pretty decent job of things on my own.  And when I don't...well, I try harder, right?  Except when I'm tired, weary and have exhausted all my own strength.  My need for newness is my inherent need for God...greater than even my need to breathe, do I need Him, long for Him.

There's always a 'but' right?  But...sin.  But, our own wayward desires and self-indulgences have taken us far from the place where 'all things are made new.'  Enter Jesus.  That sweet, shiny, perfect gift.  A gift, not penance or an earned wage for a job well done....a gift.  One that cost God everything, so that we could come back.  Wipe the smudges and dirt from our eyes, our hearts, and allow Christ's bright, shiny life to bring us back into harmony with the One we truly yearn for.

I don't need more 'stuff.'  I need more of Jesus and His sweet and perfect grace to infiltrate every inch of me.  I need His newness to bring my sin-tattered, arrogant and self-reliant soul back to life with His very breath.  I don't need a 'better' me...I need more Jesus.

Bieber Fever?!?! No really, please keep reading....

A few weeks ago now, Chad and I watched Justin Bieber's documentary movie, "Never Say Never." It wasn't my choice. BUT, there's no denying the insane amount of natural talent, skill and personality this kid has! I think our intention was to just catch a few minutes of it to see what all the hype is about and before we knew it we were sucked in!

Chad, being a crazy-talented artist/musician/crafter himself was glued to this kid's mad abilities. As a kid, he would just sing, LOUD...and with so much beauty and charisma that people would just stop what they were doing and just take him in. I think the movie said he can play 7 instruments and until he was in the middle of his first album, hadn't received ANY vocal coaching whatsoever?!? Whoa. No matter where you fall on the side of Bieber-fever...there's NO mistake, this kid has skillz!

But the thing that had me enamored and glued into the movie wasn't the Bieb. Sure, he's cute, got great hair, adorable personality, etc...but I was keyed into all of his fans. This teenage boy has filled more stadiums, amphitheaters and concert halls than any his age before him. And by 'filled' I mean...FULL of screaming, shouting, crying...SOBBING little girls who are convinced that HE is the one who will make all of their dreams come true! Even the creepy ones who know a bit too much about him to be considered 'normal trivia' or those who swear that they'll marry him someday...are head over heels, madly passionate about this boy and the 'love' that he sings about in his songs.

My heart was breaking.

Let me just hit pause on Justin for a minute and take you back to Amy, circa 1990. You know what's next....NKOTB baby! That's right...I was one of those crazy girls who had posters plastered over every inch of my room, t-shirts, pillows, blankets and every single cassette tape they released (be sure to google what a cassette tape is if you're under the age of 30 reading this post!) My parents, bless their souls, got my sisters and I tickets to see them in concert one year for Christmas. I LITERALLY thought my whole life would change that night! I screamed, cried, and waited....for Danny to catch a glimpse of my face...and whisk me away off to our happily ever after. I just knew that as soon as he saw me, he'd feel the same intensity for me as I had for him...and the rest would be history. I was 10.

As I watched those girls screaming, with tears streaming down their faces as they sang along to every word of every song he sang...I literally felt that twinge in my heart again. I could actually feel that same longing, that same passionate emotion...so full that I literally thought I might explode...all over again.

And then it hit me. We were made for this. We were literally knit together by a Love so crazy, so passionate, so insanely intense that we simply CANNOT settle for anything less!! We are programmed to pursue it. We spend every waking moment of our lives looking for it...sometimes in people, sometimes in things, relationships, reputations..you name it! Sadly though, the objects of our affections often times leave us wounded, empty and alone...still wanting, still longing still passionately in pursuit...of something--most of the time we aren't even sure of what.

The intensity with which those sweet, precious (even creepy!) girls have is good..it's right..it's pure. Yep, that's right...we are all made to find a safe place for our hearts, a home for the love that's within us all. It's the object on which they are hanging every hope in their hearts, every dream of their own happily ever afters that misses the mark. Justin Bieber is a cute, talented boy. But he won't fill the longing that those girls are reaching for. He won't even come close!

Only a Love so perfect, pure, unfailing, never-ending/never-changing and HOLY can give our hearts the safe place of fullness, abounding joy and passion that we so desperately search for! And only the person of Jesus can bring us such a Love. We were made for it. We were made by it. It's good!

What I wouldn't give to have known then, when my heart was being broken, wounded and given away to those who didn't know how to handle it...just where it would be safe. Moms and Dads...tell your girls Who to give their hearts away to. Tell them (over and over and over) where their hearts can find the resting place, the safety the unspeakable JOY and perfect Love that they are so desperately looking for! Affirm them for their passion and over-flowing hearts of emotion...and point them to the strong, safe arms of Christ where that passion finds it's fullness! Remember...He never grows weary! Even with teenage emotions ;)

I'm not sure when my daughter will catch the 'fever..' but I can't wait to watch her run into the open arms of her heart's greatest Desire! And I hope that she learns by watching me...

Live FREE

This time last year, God told me pretty clearly that the theme of our year together would be, 'navigation.' That no matter what came my way, He would be there..guiding, deciphering and navigating me through the waters, whether they be kind or treacherous. He was not only right, but faithful and true to His word! 2011 was an emotional roller coaster for this girl...but not one second of it was I alone. As we come to another new year...I can hear His voice loudly declaring that this year will be a year of FREEDOM. Not only will He continue to be near, guiding and navigating me through whatever comes my way, but this year I will find freedom from things that have haunted me my entire life. Not only that, but He is proclaiming freedom from things I don't even know exist yet!

I used to be pretty big into the whole 'New Years resolution' thing. I'd make my list, and Jan1 (ok, 3rd, really...) I'd get all gung-ho about whatever it was I'd decided I had set my mind to that year. And by March...I'm not sure I could've (or would've) told you what it was I'd committed myself to so whole-heartedly! I'm a girl of good intentions. I really do mean well...really. After reading countless self-help articles on weight-loss, organization and personal motivation...I truly believe that I can do anything. Maybe even conquer the world! And then reality sets it...busy schedules, hectic mornings, too much on the to-do lists, car lines, laundry piles, the list goes on....

And year after year, I find myself in the same spot. STUCK. No farther than where I started. No more achieved than what was intentioned (albeit well) in my mind's eye.

Not this year.

Sure, you say...that's what they ALL say at 12:33am on New Years Day! But here's where it changes. This year...2012...isn't about me. It can't be. Because Amy just can't cut it, won't get it done and WILL fail...time after time after time. But there's an upside....I'm not supposed to get it done, make the cut or be perfect time and time again!

This year, God has said, 'Live FREE!' Free from perfection, free from expectations...free from having to do it all...on your own. This year, I WILL cling, yes CLING to the perfection of Christ...and truly believe that His perfection means that I'm free to not be. I'm not talking lazy here...I'm talking freedom! Jesus came to this earth, lived the perfect life and gave it (conquered it to be exact!) because He knew I never would. On my own, my good intentions are worthless. But HIS goodness...THAT I can count on, trust in, and cling to this new year! He not only offers this to us, but longs for us to receive it and truly LIVE...the life we were made for!

So this year, I'll pass on the goals (although personal goals and reflections aren't bad!) I'll stop putting requirements on what success and achievement looks like for me. Instead, I'll gladly accept the challenge to 'live FREE' this year...hand in hand with Christ...clinging to His perfection and goodness...and take each day one step at a time. After all, this life isn't really about me. And THAT...gives me more freedom than I know what to do with :)

what you see and what you get

There's this house that I drive by often. Ok, so it's on the way to the gym...so I probably don't drive by it THAT often, but still...I see it a lot(ish). I remember right after we moved to this area seeing it for the first time. It was love at first sight! The thing is, this house isn't beautiful...not by most standards. It's not new, manicured, freshly painted or even well-maintained! From just the outside looks of it (sadly, I haven't been blessed enough to see the inside) it actually looks like it would take a LOT of work to make it not only livable, but restored to it's original state of beauty.

There's a longing that happens in my gut when I drive by this house. I want it. I want to pour every ounce of blood, sweat and tears in restoring it...and not just that, but making it useful. I'd love to see it made into a community center of sorts, or maybe even a neighborhood tutoring center...it's literally a block from a local high school. Maybe we could live in the upstairs and the downstairs could benefit the community in some way. Ok, so for this post anyway, how it's used isn't really the point. Sure it's pretty important...what good is something beautiful if you can't share it?

For today, though, it's the longing in my gut that gets me. The way that I see that house. It's like I don't really see what's in front of me. I see more. I see what it could be...dream of what it could look like...how I'd work to fix, repair and restore it's original frame and intricate details. I already see it like that. When I gaze at it (admittedly driving slower than I should, whilst gawking) I see it...restored, full of beauty.

That longing has spread from my gut to my heart. That way of seeing what is broken--restored, is how God sees us, His beautiful bride...His prize creation. We are worn, broken, rotten and in need of Love. Sin has weathered us from the inside, out. We can't fix it...there aren't enough paint brushes on the earth to restore us to our original state of beauty...the state we were created to be in...to be in community with our Creator. Jesus came to restore, redeem us. Only He can make us whole again. And when we trust Him, follow Him, believe Him...the rot stops. The darkness is gone...and the restoration begins. And our Creator...He sees us in our original beautiful condition...and we're no longer a run-down, abandoned heap of wood and brick...but strong, clean, whole...holy.

I'm longing to see not just what my eyes can see in front of me today, but see what God sees. Jesus said that we will worship Him 'in Spirit and in Truth' and I long to do that...to live in the Truth that He sees, love what He loves, grieve over what grieves His heart. And what I know about Him is that He longs for this too. So, today, I'll 'ask, seek and knock' and watch and listen closely to see and hear Him...in Spirit and in Truth. If you ask Him, He'll surely respond.

first things first

I've been going through the book of John with some friends for a couple of months now. We are on Chapter 6. What a beautiful book, FULL of Jesus. But isn't that what all Scripture is? Isn't it His Story from cover to cover?

We've had some really amazing conversations about the words contained in this book. Verses that confuse, frustrate and out-right enrage. We've been challenged to dig, to research, to look back at other texts that bring fuller context, history and clarity to what we're reading. So far, we're reading a lot about those who believe in Christ and their guarantee of eternal life and those who don't. Seems so hard to think of God, who's very essence and description is Love, would keep some of us 'out' of the deal of eternal life. Sounds so contrary to His character, His heart, His desire to see His children come to Him and accept His Love.

But then I wondered if we were asking the wrong questions? Questions that only lead to more questions...

What if we go back to the beginning. Back to when we meet Him, as He is making and creating everything we can see (and not see.) Back when He affirmed it all by saying, 'It is good!' And even better, when He proclaimed at His prize creation (us), 'It is VERY good!' What do we know about Him? What can we find out about His character, His heart here?

First of all, we know He wasn't alone. He's never been alone. Just as He said it wasn't good for Adam to be alone (and therefore created Eve) God, has always been a party of 3, who exist as 1. In the beginning, God. God, our Father, God the Son-Jesus, and God the Spirit-aka Holy Spirit. Three distinct personalities, who exist as One. Whole. Perfect. As in...without sin. None. ZIP. Not even a little!

No sin. Our human minds can't even comprehend this...even as we try, we sin...by thinking that we COULD come close to comprehending a blemish free God...enter that terrible day in the Garden, when everything went awry. Eve thought she ought to be able to comprehend what God could, see what He sees, know what He knows. And the creepy, lying snake deceived her into actually believing that was a possibility. In case you're confused...let me clarity...IT'S NOT.

So, for the first time in the beautiful, perfect and whole existence that God made...destruction entered the scene. (Little known fact: Did you know that some scholars don't believe that it even rained prior to sin entering the world?? That before sin, creation was so perfectly put together, it didn't NEED to rain!) Sin. Church-y word, but what does it mean? Dictionary.com defines it as: 'any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse,etc.; great fault or offense'

Reprehensible and regrettable are easy enough to decipher...something really really bad, you wish you could take back...NOT do...undo. What about 'great fault or offense?' Who is offended?

God. Perfect, unblemished, Holy-God. The One who IS. Who will always be. The One by Whom and for Whom all things are made and put into existence! The One in Whom is LIFE. Our lives are not our own. We didn't give ourselves existence, breath, souls. It was given to us, by the very Maker of Life and Love. Perfect Love. Love that has NO end.

Except with sin. Sin destroys. Sin...that terrible terrible delusion that Eve thought she could know and BE her own god (her own purpose for living, her own judge, her own security and wisdom---sound familiar?) That moment of sheer stupidity when her heart's affection went from fullness and abundance in all that is good, pure, holy and what she was made for...to herself. That moment, that delusion, that stupidity didn't hurt God's feelings. It ripped what once was One, into brokenness. So much so that in His perfect, holy, goodness...the very creation He made for Love became unlovable...unreachable. Because to remain in unity with sin would alter His very God-ness. His very essence of all that is good, loving and Holy.

To understand why it is so important to 'believe' in Jesus Christ for eternal life...we have to go back to the beginning. We HAVE to understand, not just in our minds, but in our very souls...that we are hopeless, depraved and fooling ourselves thinking that this life that we live is ours. That we can ever truly breathe, truly Love, truly LIVE outside of that perfect, beautiful relationship with our Maker, Creator, Giver of All. But with sin now in the picture, with our hearts full of deceit, adultery and more than we care to actually look at...what do we do? Where is our hope?

Enter Jesus. We 'believe' in Him because HE makes ALL things new! Because He IS indeed God (remember, He was there as it all began!) only HE can right the wrong, make clean what was abused, close the gap between us and our Father. And He did. And He continues to do so, every day. When He gave His life on the cross 2000(ish) years ago, His death paid the ransom for our crime. And when He rose again, He proved that not even death itself could defeat the power of LOVE that He'd given with His Life, His sacrifice...His gift. God Himself reclaimed His prize creation! Jesus came that we might LIVE, love, and know fully the goodness of the heart of God...be restored to our Father, together as a family...forever.

It's not about doing good things...we can't ever 'do' anything worthy of a perfect God. It's not about church attendance or Bible reading or fighting injustice. It's ALL about Jesus. Our need for God is beyond our need for air, whether we can admit that to ourselves or not...it's true. And Jesus came, that we could be with Him...breathing Him in, living life abundantly...eternally, forever.

The question isn't about God. It's about me. And you. Do we know how much we need Him? Do we care?