am i missing the point?

what if we’re getting it wrong? (as if that’s NOT the case!) but really...i mean think about our life? what is our ultimate goal each and every day? comfort, security, happiness, ease...all illusive idols that we continue to chase, continue to be duped by, continue to chase around that next corner...if we’re honest..enough is NEVER enough.

what if...when God led the Israelites through the wildnerness it wasn’t so much a punishment as a gift? what if, by stripping them completely of their creature comforts, their security, routines and ‘safety’ that He was in fact, blessing them, giving them the most beautiful gift (maybe even a glimpse of the Messiah to come)? bringing them into the most precious of places...the place that Jesus begged for in John17 as He pleaded with the Father...that we might know and receive the same unity as He and the Father are one. what if, by living to find our comfort, our security (financial, relationally, etc), our ever-changing-like-the-wind happinesses we are actually running farther from God even as we think we might be running to Him? what if that frustration, that constant nagging in our souls, that gap between what we know and what we live...is just that...a gap...a conflict in reality vs. philosophy. what if...instead of seeking comfort we sought out risk...sought after a dependence so deep that we would be reminded every second of our need, our dependence on God alone, for life, breath, sustenance...comfort, security, happiness...peace?

what if we’re looking in all the wrong places for the things we so desperately desire?

what if we changed the way we look for them? what if we made room for Him to show up in our lives each and every day? what if we pressed harder into God? desperately waited, arms flung wide-open to receive even a whisper from Him.

here’s what we know:

He’s not hiding. He’s relentlessly pursuing, Loving, healing..longing to see us free. free to love, free to heal, free from the very things we THINK we want. free to be whole, be One with Him, as Jesus and the Father are One! something tells me...THAT is what we’re made for, looking for as we find ourselves settling for the lesser ‘things.’

i’m praying for a heart and mind that would be so captivated by Christ-as i go through my day that instead of escaping the ‘tough’ stuff...being distracted by the illusions of peace...that i’d find His heart, His voice...booming and lovingly calling me closer to Himself. God, give me ears to hear and eyes to see YOU...to know you more, love you more, receive you more...to have faith as even a mustard seed!

dys*func*tion

I had a slightly profound moment of revelation the other day. One that sounds sort of ridiculous and maybe even obvious to say out loud, but one that has eluded me for years.

LOVE.

What does this word/verb/adjective actually mean? What does it look like? How do we embody it?

1Corinthians13 says this:

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

And of course, there is 'preferring one another in Christ,' and 'laying down your life for your friends.' But what does this actually look like? When rubber meets the road, and we aren't just talking in generalities and vague philosophies...what does Love look like in our lives?

I used to think (and am still working at 'unthinking it') that it was loving of me to 'be responsible' for others (yes, ALL others) feelings...good/bad, true/false, happy/sad. And that in some way I was failing them (yes, ALL of them) if I couldn't prevent the bad, sad or false. This hasn't been a conscious thought process for me, but just a foundational belief, which guided my thoughts and actions. But it was like it was my 'job' to make sure everyone was 'ok,' regardless of how 'ok' I was/wasn't. I also used to think that it was loving toward another if I were so aware of their feelings/responses and constantly tried to please or appease them in whatever situation that looked like. In other words, love meant, perfection. To meet every need, for everyone, every time.

Can I be honest and just tell you what that looked like?

Exhaustion, weariness...and then bitterness, resentment, disillusionment...til finally, hopeless.

Here's the good new&bad news:

Love does indeed mean perfection.

God IS Love. Not just for the good and wonderful things He does for us, but because HE IS PERFECT. In ways our brains cannot even comprehend, He is perfect! And THIS is the only reason He can be defined as Love. 1Cor13 is describing God. His perfect Love. NOT a standard for us to attempt to live up to...but what His Love already IS.

But if Love is perfection, that's sort of a bummer for me, right? Cause I'm most definitely NOT perfect. Very rarely am I patient...kind more often, but moreso proud, irritable and rude! How does a perfect/Loving God love me? This seems to be a pretty big problem...if God is Love...because He's perfect...how in the world does He expect me to be?

Coolest part....

He doesn't! Enter-Jesus! Fully God, fully man. With all the 'tendencies' toward sin and brokenness...He lived flawless, perfection. And He knew that I (ok all of us!) would be totally jacked up! Completely incapable of even NEARING perfection...in other words...completely incapable of being accepted, loved...adopted by God (the VERY definition of Love, acceptance and family!) And for this reason...the most Loving thing a Loving God could do, would be to sacrifice (prefer...lay down His life..sound familiar??) His very perfection and give it to us (FOR FREE!) so that we could HAVE (not just read about, talk about or hear about...) His own perfection ourselves! His perfection..ie..HIMSELF is the most Loving gift we could ever receive! Without Him, we cannot Love. Without Him, we can't even get close. He's not a conduit for us to love...HE IS IT. Love Itself. And because He Loves without fail, with all perfection...I am free to love. Not perfectly...but by His grace (that free gift of Love, received) with all my flaws and imperfections, made whole and right in and by HIM.

That means that I don't have to get it right all the time. That I don't have to be the best, prettiest, smartest, coolest, awesomest anything! I get to be me...because He (perfectly) Loves me...because I'm His...forever.

He turns ashes into beauty, darkness into light, death into life and my disfunction into His perfection!